This summer has NOT turned out to be what I expected. I've found that too much time by myself is not good for me. I become restless. I fail more. I stop digging deeper. I forget to get together with friends. My soul sort of shrivels...and I become an uglier version of me. This is not a "woe-is-me" post. I'm just saying. Heather + lots of time alone = no good.
I'm not created to be by myself. I'm not created to have loads of time on my hands. When life is busy, I'm incredibly productive, organized, and I feel a heck of a lot better about myself.
This summer I have not run. Well, Charlie and I ran ONCE last week....and he tripped me a handful of times. Perhaps that's why we haven't been back out with the Sauconys. :)
The last few messages at church have really hit home for both Nate and I. They've been on worship, affliction, and the vengeance of God. To write a fraction of the movement of my heart on these topics would take hours. (And Nate's parents are on the way over, so I haven't got the time)- However, I can share a tiny bit. I grew up in a very conservative Jesus-loving church. But worship when I was young consisted of pews, hymnals, a pipe organ and verse after verse after verse. The words to these songs hadn't meant much to me until just recently. The idea that these old hymns could speak so loudly to my heart; to my life AT. THIS. VERY. MOMENT, even though they were written hundreds of years ago; that what I'm going through can be expected; that there will be disappointments; that not everyone will have similar convictions; that friends will disappoint and life will seem lonely at times; people will make bad choices; we WILL be persecuted; "Christian" friends will shock me; "secular" friends will shock me.....all these things, I hadn't really considered.
In short, I've found a new freedom in worship. And I'm pretty stinkin' excited about it! :)
I think you should give yourself credit for all the changes you've had this summer though, pretty Heather. Even though they were WONDERFUL changes, they were big changes none-the-less; you're still settling into your pretty home with a thousand projects, and everyone knows that the responsibility required to own a pup is comprable to having a child! It's a lot of work! I totally understand the disappointment in oneself by not accomplishing as much as you'd like; but isn't that always the feeling we have at this end-of-summer time? We can always be better, but don't forget to give yourself credit for what you've accomplished.
ReplyDeleteI know that this next school year is going to be great for you and you DO thrive in routine--so happy preparing and I look forward to hearing about another new season in your life. Let's catch up soon. TBrink is coming to visit next week (Wed-Mon morning) so I'll have Mon and Tues relatively free. Do we have a skype date?
Love you LOADS!
M
P.S. THANK YOU for your wonderful message the other day, I've saved it and listened to it several times since :)