he won't break into my heart...he just eases without a sound.

Today I did not have meetings at school. It's Friday and everyone is excited for the 3-day weekend. But here I sit, windows open, lawn mowers buzzing in the distance, and the cool Miwaukee breeze wafting through my windows...and I continue to swallow back a growing mass in my throat that comes with flooded eyes. I haven't allowed myself to cry this week- and I've been almost too busy to do so. However, today is calm, and with calm comes quiet, and in quiet comes the thought of loved ones and the realization of just how far away they really are. This breaks my heart.

I knew I needed to get out this morning and explore my new city and was very excited to do so. I found many familiar places which reminded me of people back home, P.F. Changs (noted for johnny lund when he comes to visit), Barnes and Noble (my crew at the Lincoln location), World Market (which will always remind me of nate only because i was on the phone with him when i first walked in), Bed Bath & Beyond (Ryan and Martha), two malls, Best Buy (my brother, james), KMart (my mother), etc...and recognizing these familiar places was very comforting. I tried to find a quaint little coffee shop and all I could find was a Starbucks. I decided to skip the coffee and come home for an afternoon of quiet with my journal, Bible and a few of my favorite books and some homemade coffee or tea.

I was reading through old posts from dear friends and Levi wrote this about being far from someone you love. Melissa used it in a post as well and I thought it was simiply beautiful. "...It is almost as though the weight of the substance and joy they bring isn't comprehended till they are gone, and then finally, when they are all but forgotten, they are suddenly there again....". I don't know that I'll ever get to the point of nearly forgetting- it seems that one builds routines to get by and soon enough routine becomes comfortable without those who have been such a large part of daily life. I know this will happen, and I eagerly anticipate it because there will be less heartache. However, this is a season to celebrate as well, and I know that there are points to be learned here. And so to survive, I will cling to the truth that I know so well; that I'm never alone.

Isaiah 41:10:

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

another bunch

So I was at school yesterday (being a teacher) and there was a page over the intercom, "Heather Mullen to the office"....and I thought to myself, "what in the world".... so i went down the three flights of stairs and found a delivery for me....ANOTHER box of flowers. These were from Erin and Martha....two great friends. They sent me these flowers- and all the other teachers were jealous. :)



This company sends them when they're still closed so that you can watch them open a couple of days later. They'll be beautiful the entire weekend! The ones that Nate sent are just amazing right now.....very pretty. My aunt walked into my room last night and called me, "whoa flower lady!".......that's right. I have the best friends EVER!!

he will quiet you with his love

"The LORD God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you with his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing."
Zeph 3:17

Here are some BEAUTIFUL flowers that Nate had delivered. Made my whole week....he knows just what I need......





I never knew I could lay my burdens down and I never knew redemption could be found...but I know now.

It's been a good beginning of the week. I've been attending teacher meetings which are long and not very exciting. My students don't come until Tuesday. We'll have 31 in our 5th grade class- 16 boys, 15 girls. That's a large class.....it'll be interesting. You should see how our desks are crammed in the classroom.....I'd take a picture for you, but that would mean taking my laptop to school (i don't have a regular camera) and I've heard that we have a "thief" in our classroom....he's been stealing for years...so I won't bring anything valuable to school. :)

I'm finding myself in prayer much of the day- (while driving, I've decided not to talk on the phone...good idea considering the increase in traffic here in the big city compared to L-town.....) I'm understanding and continuing to grasp the fact that the one comfort I can always take along is my God....and I'm finding GREAT comfort in that. There's so much to be learned...I only hope that I continue to seek HIM in those quiet lonely times...and that I don't jump on the phone or reach out to work or other things to fill my time and keep me busy. I'm already finding myself staying extremely busy because if I let myself slow down, I have time to think about home and how much I miss my life there. This season is so short, I want to live here, in the moment...(within reason) and enjoy my experience. Please be prayerful of this.

I'm very tired. Know that if you call after 10pm, the likelihood of me being awake are slim to none. I'm forcing myself to stay up until 10 every night, but then I crash like a bag of sand. No joke. My sheets aren't even messed up when I wake in the morning. Waking up at 5:30am is going to get easier, but it's been a rude awakening, to say the least. This early hour is necessary, however, because of the freeway and traffic.....and I like to be to school around 7am.

I miss many of you terribly. Megan, I miss PT, Feik....I can't bring myself to do yoga without you, but know I'm using your mug daily AND nightly. Love it. Nate, you know how I feel.....and I miss you like crazy. All these other people.....I promise to send letters back if you write to me.....I don't have many of your addresses.... I've already sent out 5 letters since I've come here 4 days ago. Get writing!

Love from the cheese state,
Heather Lea

Safe and Sound

Greetings from Wisconsin! I made it! Martha and I made great time yesterday- left Omaha at 10am, met Scott and Carissa for dinner in Chicago around 5pm, had dinner and saw Mr. Magic, and I was pulling into the driveway here before 8:30 pm. I've got my clothes hanging in the closet, an entire dresser full, and my desk set up with my new, very FIRST teacher coffee mug from my dear Renae. :) An elephant from Amber sits close, a notepad from my mother is ready for teacher notes, and a photo of me and Nate is in direct view. I might be ok here.....

I'm going to go down this morning and get my new student ID from the college here. Ha! That's a third student id from a third school.....good grief.

I'm off to work out. New place, new habits, right?

Much love from the east,
heather lea

just getting started.....

wanted to let everyone know i've begun my journey to the great state of wisconsin. i'm currently in elkhorn at martha's parents' house. we'll leave sun. morning around 9am. please pray for safe travel and great spirits. saying goodbye to my family was difficult to say the least, and i'm not sure how i'll function without nate's hugs. :(

but for now, pray for a good time with martha in the car....i felt her baby(s)(?) kick tonight....very cool. amazing, really.

i'll write tomorrow night from my new home! lots of love.

PROcrastinator

I'm a pro at this. I'm supposed to be writing a paper from the NYC inner-city experience in July. It's due tomorrow. I have 6 of the 7-10 pages. I've had five for a month.....it's just these last couple that I can't seem to get done. Tying it all together, referencing books and schools.....who am I kidding? This is what I DO! I'm the student that powered through 7 page papers in 2 hours the night before it was due.....maybe that's what I need. Some crunching time....the last final moments and I'll be able to fire it out. That's silly though, and with the days dwindling down quickly and "appointments" filling up for coffee and lunches before I leave.....the last thing I want to be doing is sitting home alone writing a paper.

Just so you know, I'm getting better. I haven't cried in a couple of days and I'm starting to get really excited about the move. The hugs are the worst part- after I'm on the road, I'll be fine. What waits for me in Milwaukee makes me very excited- students, a comfortable place to live, family, friends from my trip to NYC, football season, fall, crock pots of chili......my favorite time of year, knitting, crocheting, grading papers, weekly seminars on teaching, friends that I'll learn to love, more blogging, lots of time alone- learning to cling to my source of life, quiet times in a new place, discovery of new coffee shops, new grocery stores, new roads to get lost on, martha and ryan and a new baby, road trips to nebraska, visits from friends from nebraska, the holidays......lots and lots of great things.

I'll be just fine. :)

p.s. this is post #101.......wow!

i'm watching as i swim into the sea

I'd like to say that I'm progressing well with the transition of moving.
I'd like to understand that this is only for a time.
I'd like to know that driving away will be easy; that last hugs and final farewells are only temporary and that I'll be back after a series of months.
I'd like to agree with people when they remind me that it's not that long; that time will go quickly; that I'll be so busy I won't even have time to miss home.
I'd like to take everyone with me.
I'd like to understand that leaving is this difficult only because God's blessed me with an ability to connect; with a heart that longs for deeper relationships, and an amazing community here in Lincoln.
I'd like to be comfortable with the fact that this will only happen again with new friends that are waiting for me in Milwaukee.
I'd like to be able to hug my grandfather without falling completely into his firm and understanding embrace; we have a connection like no one else; I am confident that we function with the same heart.
I'd like to run with this season; understanding the trust required and the hope that is necessary for survival.

I love to remember God whispering to me, "Heather, it's OK. I'm going with you."