he won't break into my heart...he just eases without a sound.

Today I did not have meetings at school. It's Friday and everyone is excited for the 3-day weekend. But here I sit, windows open, lawn mowers buzzing in the distance, and the cool Miwaukee breeze wafting through my windows...and I continue to swallow back a growing mass in my throat that comes with flooded eyes. I haven't allowed myself to cry this week- and I've been almost too busy to do so. However, today is calm, and with calm comes quiet, and in quiet comes the thought of loved ones and the realization of just how far away they really are. This breaks my heart.

I knew I needed to get out this morning and explore my new city and was very excited to do so. I found many familiar places which reminded me of people back home, P.F. Changs (noted for johnny lund when he comes to visit), Barnes and Noble (my crew at the Lincoln location), World Market (which will always remind me of nate only because i was on the phone with him when i first walked in), Bed Bath & Beyond (Ryan and Martha), two malls, Best Buy (my brother, james), KMart (my mother), etc...and recognizing these familiar places was very comforting. I tried to find a quaint little coffee shop and all I could find was a Starbucks. I decided to skip the coffee and come home for an afternoon of quiet with my journal, Bible and a few of my favorite books and some homemade coffee or tea.

I was reading through old posts from dear friends and Levi wrote this about being far from someone you love. Melissa used it in a post as well and I thought it was simiply beautiful. "...It is almost as though the weight of the substance and joy they bring isn't comprehended till they are gone, and then finally, when they are all but forgotten, they are suddenly there again....". I don't know that I'll ever get to the point of nearly forgetting- it seems that one builds routines to get by and soon enough routine becomes comfortable without those who have been such a large part of daily life. I know this will happen, and I eagerly anticipate it because there will be less heartache. However, this is a season to celebrate as well, and I know that there are points to be learned here. And so to survive, I will cling to the truth that I know so well; that I'm never alone.

Isaiah 41:10:

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

another bunch

So I was at school yesterday (being a teacher) and there was a page over the intercom, "Heather Mullen to the office"....and I thought to myself, "what in the world".... so i went down the three flights of stairs and found a delivery for me....ANOTHER box of flowers. These were from Erin and Martha....two great friends. They sent me these flowers- and all the other teachers were jealous. :)



This company sends them when they're still closed so that you can watch them open a couple of days later. They'll be beautiful the entire weekend! The ones that Nate sent are just amazing right now.....very pretty. My aunt walked into my room last night and called me, "whoa flower lady!".......that's right. I have the best friends EVER!!

he will quiet you with his love

"The LORD God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you with his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing."
Zeph 3:17

Here are some BEAUTIFUL flowers that Nate had delivered. Made my whole week....he knows just what I need......





I never knew I could lay my burdens down and I never knew redemption could be found...but I know now.

It's been a good beginning of the week. I've been attending teacher meetings which are long and not very exciting. My students don't come until Tuesday. We'll have 31 in our 5th grade class- 16 boys, 15 girls. That's a large class.....it'll be interesting. You should see how our desks are crammed in the classroom.....I'd take a picture for you, but that would mean taking my laptop to school (i don't have a regular camera) and I've heard that we have a "thief" in our classroom....he's been stealing for years...so I won't bring anything valuable to school. :)

I'm finding myself in prayer much of the day- (while driving, I've decided not to talk on the phone...good idea considering the increase in traffic here in the big city compared to L-town.....) I'm understanding and continuing to grasp the fact that the one comfort I can always take along is my God....and I'm finding GREAT comfort in that. There's so much to be learned...I only hope that I continue to seek HIM in those quiet lonely times...and that I don't jump on the phone or reach out to work or other things to fill my time and keep me busy. I'm already finding myself staying extremely busy because if I let myself slow down, I have time to think about home and how much I miss my life there. This season is so short, I want to live here, in the moment...(within reason) and enjoy my experience. Please be prayerful of this.

I'm very tired. Know that if you call after 10pm, the likelihood of me being awake are slim to none. I'm forcing myself to stay up until 10 every night, but then I crash like a bag of sand. No joke. My sheets aren't even messed up when I wake in the morning. Waking up at 5:30am is going to get easier, but it's been a rude awakening, to say the least. This early hour is necessary, however, because of the freeway and traffic.....and I like to be to school around 7am.

I miss many of you terribly. Megan, I miss PT, Feik....I can't bring myself to do yoga without you, but know I'm using your mug daily AND nightly. Love it. Nate, you know how I feel.....and I miss you like crazy. All these other people.....I promise to send letters back if you write to me.....I don't have many of your addresses.... I've already sent out 5 letters since I've come here 4 days ago. Get writing!

Love from the cheese state,
Heather Lea

Safe and Sound

Greetings from Wisconsin! I made it! Martha and I made great time yesterday- left Omaha at 10am, met Scott and Carissa for dinner in Chicago around 5pm, had dinner and saw Mr. Magic, and I was pulling into the driveway here before 8:30 pm. I've got my clothes hanging in the closet, an entire dresser full, and my desk set up with my new, very FIRST teacher coffee mug from my dear Renae. :) An elephant from Amber sits close, a notepad from my mother is ready for teacher notes, and a photo of me and Nate is in direct view. I might be ok here.....

I'm going to go down this morning and get my new student ID from the college here. Ha! That's a third student id from a third school.....good grief.

I'm off to work out. New place, new habits, right?

Much love from the east,
heather lea

just getting started.....

wanted to let everyone know i've begun my journey to the great state of wisconsin. i'm currently in elkhorn at martha's parents' house. we'll leave sun. morning around 9am. please pray for safe travel and great spirits. saying goodbye to my family was difficult to say the least, and i'm not sure how i'll function without nate's hugs. :(

but for now, pray for a good time with martha in the car....i felt her baby(s)(?) kick tonight....very cool. amazing, really.

i'll write tomorrow night from my new home! lots of love.

PROcrastinator

I'm a pro at this. I'm supposed to be writing a paper from the NYC inner-city experience in July. It's due tomorrow. I have 6 of the 7-10 pages. I've had five for a month.....it's just these last couple that I can't seem to get done. Tying it all together, referencing books and schools.....who am I kidding? This is what I DO! I'm the student that powered through 7 page papers in 2 hours the night before it was due.....maybe that's what I need. Some crunching time....the last final moments and I'll be able to fire it out. That's silly though, and with the days dwindling down quickly and "appointments" filling up for coffee and lunches before I leave.....the last thing I want to be doing is sitting home alone writing a paper.

Just so you know, I'm getting better. I haven't cried in a couple of days and I'm starting to get really excited about the move. The hugs are the worst part- after I'm on the road, I'll be fine. What waits for me in Milwaukee makes me very excited- students, a comfortable place to live, family, friends from my trip to NYC, football season, fall, crock pots of chili......my favorite time of year, knitting, crocheting, grading papers, weekly seminars on teaching, friends that I'll learn to love, more blogging, lots of time alone- learning to cling to my source of life, quiet times in a new place, discovery of new coffee shops, new grocery stores, new roads to get lost on, martha and ryan and a new baby, road trips to nebraska, visits from friends from nebraska, the holidays......lots and lots of great things.

I'll be just fine. :)

p.s. this is post #101.......wow!

i'm watching as i swim into the sea

I'd like to say that I'm progressing well with the transition of moving.
I'd like to understand that this is only for a time.
I'd like to know that driving away will be easy; that last hugs and final farewells are only temporary and that I'll be back after a series of months.
I'd like to agree with people when they remind me that it's not that long; that time will go quickly; that I'll be so busy I won't even have time to miss home.
I'd like to take everyone with me.
I'd like to understand that leaving is this difficult only because God's blessed me with an ability to connect; with a heart that longs for deeper relationships, and an amazing community here in Lincoln.
I'd like to be comfortable with the fact that this will only happen again with new friends that are waiting for me in Milwaukee.
I'd like to be able to hug my grandfather without falling completely into his firm and understanding embrace; we have a connection like no one else; I am confident that we function with the same heart.
I'd like to run with this season; understanding the trust required and the hope that is necessary for survival.

I love to remember God whispering to me, "Heather, it's OK. I'm going with you."

counting down...

I have 4 1/2 days left at work. !!!! I do love my job at good ol' Barnes, but my time there is winding down and I'm excited about that. So, if you love seeing your favorite friendly bookseller at southpointe, you'd better stop in in the next week and a half....or i'll be GONE!

I've scheduled appointments with the health center to get medical records updatd before I take off. It's all these last minute shots, copies of records, requesting transcripts etc....these are the things that keep me busy and hopeful that this next transition in life is actually going to take place.

I've got to get back to work. Hope everyone is well. And I'll tell you that since my dear Carissa Martin was here, I've been inspired and writing more than ever in my journal. Thanks for the push, Creach......you're pretty great!

babies and buddies

I told Lori and Kyle to keep an eye out- I wanted to post pictures from the night Caleb and I got to hang out. Come to think of it, it's already been on Tuesday night.....and now it's Sunday. Sheish! Sorry it took so long! In any case, here they are. This is Caleb and I hanging out on the floor- we read a few books above our heads....and took some photos. Isn't he sweet?
Caleb thought it'd be fun to invite Nate over to play for a while, so we did. Here are the boys. I'm not sure what game they were playing here....maybe a staring contest. Looks like Caleb is winning, if you ask me.....
That night I gave Caleb a bath and talked about our futures until his mom and dad came home. He started to cry when he saw them.....which gave me great comfort as an astonishing babysitter. In their defense, every time Caleb has seen me since then, his forehead wrinkles into a furrow and he begins to sob. .......I may not be his favorite babysitter, after all. :)

Friday morning I was able to meet up with my long-lost muse and dear friend, Carissa. We decided that this is how we feel when we're not writing and being creative:

To fix that, we decided to be better about doing that which we love so much- Carissa bought a new sketchbook and I opened my new markers just this morning. And this is what we think of that:
We're in business!
It was SO good to see her.....
And Saturday morning, Megan, Renae and I went out into the sweltering heat to beat the crowds at the farmer's market. It wasn't so bad...
It's been a good weekend. I went to Omaha Saturday afternoon and spent time with my best, best, BEST friend, Rissa.We had a great time not going to the White T's concert......it's today...not yesterday. :)

"I just want to dance my way through life"

Tonight my great friend and roommate, Megan, said something I'll never forget....

"I have this false hope that one day life is going to break out into a musical..."

Honestly. I couldn't stop laughing.....she went to the movie Hairspray tonight....and immediately afterwords rushed out to buy the soundtrack. Ridiculous. She's a riot.

I have the weekend off. In fact, I don't think I work another weekend at Barnes and Noble. WOO-HOO!!!! I'm done in a week and a half- goodbye working weekends!!! Teachers have the weekends off too...... :)

I had coffee with carissa this morning....what a joy for my heart! she's inspired me to bust out my markers again.....we used to write and draw together all the time. when we were roommates, we chased storms all summer, started our first book together, wrote surprise encouragements in each others journals.....and inspired creativity in each other that i haven't found anywhere else. i miss her! i've got some good pics to add to this post- but that'll have to happen at a later time because i don't feel like uploading them now.

i'm feeling very blessed already this weekend and it's just started. tomorrow i'm meeting megan and renae for coffee and the farmer's market, and then going to my brothers in the early afternoon- followed by a trip to omaha to hang out with my best girl, rissa and go to a white t's concert.....then i get to sing in church sunday morning with crystal and the boy band. my heart will probably explode with happiness by the end of it all......also, tonight i played the Djembe drum while gina, megan and i sang and played worship music. very nice.

I have a good friend, Carey, who has asked me what they can be praying for as I begin to make my transition. And i suppose that'd be a good thing to include at any point in life, as we should always be remembering each other. For now, I would love prayer for my heart as I begin to say goodbye or "see you later" to many people I love. For now, it's only temporary, but in the back of my mind, I am keeping the option of staying there open. I don't want to plan on going and coming back right away because then I'm not open to God's change of plan, which inevitably happens..... :) He's got a good way of surprising us......in any case, I would appreciate prayer for my last weeks here. That I would have time to spend with people I love, that I would be able to focus on relationships while I'm here and really live "in this moment"...and make sure I'm saving time to spend in quiet....

I've got to get to sleep.....or watch another episode of Grey's from season one. :)

hooked on a good thing...

So.....i have some very special friends who have been talking about having "Grey's Anatomy" dates this fall...while I'm gone...which is great. I was feeling a little left out and wanted to know what all the hype was about- so I dug out seasons 1 and 2 of Grey's Anatomy that Megan and John have here at the house. I've watched one episode short of the entire first season (which was only 9 episodes) and am looking forward to season 2 in the next couple of weeks. I'm hooked! I tend to fall pretty hard for seasons that I can watch all in a row- without commericals.....it happened last summer (or maybe Christmas break) with "The Office"......sheish. So now, perhaps I can get in on the Grey's gossip and have a weekly thursday night date with Grey's....and then skype about it with my people.....something to think about.

Also...I'm supposed to be going downtown for a friend's birthday party right now. I worked all day- just got off and it's 11:30 pm.....i don't feel like driving all the way downtown to hang out at duffy's. Just doesn't really appeal to me tonight.

Tomorrow I'm meeting Carissa for coffee- haven't seen that girl in a long, long time...it'll be great to catch up. This weekend's going to be full of fun thing. White T's are putting on a fee concert in omaha sat. night- i'll be going with rissa. car time with James on the way to and from Omaha....ribfest with mike and friends maybe sunday.....friday night grace girls......what a great weekend to have so many things to do- nate's going to be out of town for a wedding....so it works out really well.....and megan told me today she's planning a going away party for me at grace- just like my birthday this year, which was one of my favorite days ever in my entire existence. :)

....life is good.....

Hands Down.....best video ever.

Ok, I've liked this song from the moment I first heard it at Nate's.......and then he put it on a cd for me and I've listened to it time and time again......and if you've lived with me, you know that I wear the crap out of songs that I love.

But NOW! I've found the video- and it made me stop with my jaw dropped....at the cleverness and simplicity of such beautiful lyrics and images that go along.

So....sit and enjoy, my dear friends.

my loaves are a rising!

Megan and I are making more bread. And cookies. And tonight i get to hang out with one of my favorite young people, Mr. Caleb Fey- check out his website, he's super cute! (The 9 weeks photo from today (0r yesterday) and the BC shot are my favorites.....) I might need to keep a photo diary of the evening- just because his mom is so good at recording everything.

I bought a new yoga dvd.....and i have one word. Intense. wow....my whole body aches today- but that's good, right? working muscles I didn't know that I had......

Also, I really like this song.....


I heard it for the first time in New York City.....walking through Penn Station...and I stopped dead in my tracks, amidst thousands of people to watch the flatscreen television above me.